I GIVE UP!
DECLARATION OF SURRENDER
Dear Mr. President,
It wasn’t long ago that I was calling you BLOTUS, Boss Leader Of The United States, with the added inference that you are a bloated swine.
I have despised your every breath for decades because you seem disconnected from reality, arrogant, aloof, and pompous, while spewing your views on everything under the Sun.
“Listen to me, watch me, I know more than you do about everything that matters.”, has been coming out of your mouth for decades.
Today, I offer my unconditional surrender to your position as POTUS.
You are THE MAN.
Now let’s get on with resolving the issues.
I know you seem to lie because your truth is not the truth of others.
You know stuff others do not, as proven by the simple fact that you have managed to promote yourself to Commander In Chief without ever spending one second moving up the ranks.
The NFL denied you entry.
Now, as Commander In Chief, you control the Nuclear Football, and your comments could make or break the NFL in a heartbeat.
Top that NFL motherfuckers!
There is not now, nor has there ever been one other human who could do that.
The reason you are able to do it is because you know THE TRUTH, while others rely on what they pick up along the way to come up with their version of of the truth.
They are forced by their limitations to listen to the views of others while developing some vague idea of what it’s all about.
Neither they, nor the others they listen to have a clue, do they?
THE TRUTH is, you are a Self Savant, one of a kind, the man of the hour, and you know it.
However, as a Savant, your social interaction skills are seriously lacking.
The mundane issues of everyday life, with its confusing entanglements, such as second thoughts in consideration of others, are no more than troublesome nonsense and have no place in your mind.
There’s the rub.
What is in your mind rarely comes out of your mouth in a manner most can grasp.
You are reduced to tired, tried and true platitudes and slogans that work in the moment, while you could be explaining it all if only there was someone else out there capable of ‘getting it’ the way you do.
Along with my unconditional surrender, I also volunteer to be that guy.
You need a friendly translator who gets it, Yours Truly.
Again, you know stuff the masses do not, and attempting to project compassion and understanding just gets in the way of your crystal clear vision.
It’s not your fault.
Savants, ( Geniuses if you prefer the term ), have limitations in fields not related to their special outlook.
Einstein was a dolt in most areas.
Hawking had no social skills.
But you have worked very hard in your life to be a regular guy.
You’re not very good at it, but you try.
Einstein, Hawking, and other widely recognized Geniuses, never made the slightest effort, choosing instead to magnify their ‘otherness’ with childishly demanding and often intractable personality traits.
Good on you!
As your new best friend, and obedient servant, here’s how to get everyone alive to love you they way that elderly colored woman at last year’s fallen officer rally does.
You remember her, the mother of one of your honorees, she stood there and petted your arm with unquestioning love and affection.
She didn’t care if your were POTUS, BLOTUS, or an escaped mass murderer.
In that moment she loved you for all she was worth.
I know you have never felt anything like that before.
It was obvious by your stunned reaction.
She was able to do that because she is a Savant of Love and Understanding.
You can never learn to be like her, it’s just not in you.
But, I can open your mind to grasping the sensation, and you can use it to promote yourself even beyond POTUS, Commander In Chief, and The Most Powerful Man In the World.
I can teach you to show compassion, though you have none.
It will be OK for you to do that even if you stumble.
People will admire your efforts and love you for it.
Start by booking TV time and sitting onstage with Howard Stern.
Tell him THE TRUTH about everything for an hour or so.
You cannot lie to Howard.
He has your number, and you know it.
I dare ya.
“Of course I used the Russkies and made deals with them. Anybody would have grabbed that opportunity. I just did it better than they would have and won.”
You’ll thank me for it, betcha!
That said, here are few items you need to confront before you can start your redemption tour.
As for lying to the camera.
Think of the question on AF1 about Cohen.
When asked if you knew, you immediately said, “No!”
Then you carried on, “He’s my lawy…he’s an attorney…he did some work for me once.”, or words to that effect as you stared off and stumbled through your lie.
It’s on the internet if you’d like to confirm.
If you had simply said NO, and stopped, this mess would be over.
Your need to pontificate before the camera is going to be your downfall.
Now to the incident with Jim Acosta when he refused to surrender the microphone.
How close were you to actually jumping off the stage and tackling him when you stepped out from behind the podium?
That urge to show your heroic side almost left you flopping on the ground with two broken legs and your face planted into a chair as everyone stepped aside.
Give that nonsense up.
As your desperation grows, you might actually do something that stupid in a confused moment.
Everyone knows you are an Ivory Tower coward, whose only courage comes from having lawyers, guns, and money.
AND, first and foremost, whatever drugs you are using, STOP immediately.
You are within days of hemorrhaging behind your eyes.
What will you do then, sit drooling on stage, after being pushed out there by Ivanka, playing the sympathy card?
Not your style.
Lastly, before you do the Howard Stern thing, I want you to sit with me and play Texas Hold ’Em, no limit, all in at any time.
You put up the $1 million you claim was your seed money from Fred.
I’ll put up everything I have on you.
We’ll each get one million in chips, antes and blinds to be determined.
You know that you’ll have Aces in the hole on the first hand.
It’s the way your incredible luck always goes.
Feel free to push all in right then to get things started off your way.
I’ll fold the ante and then we’ll play poker.
If I win all within 50 hands, you agree to resign The Presidency and face your legal troubles as a private citizen, forgetting Howard.
If it goes further than 50 hands, we play to the end for what’s on the table.
Then you go do Howard.
So, with the above in mind, I await your response.
Change your slogan.
You are President Of The United States, not of President Of America.
The hats should read MUSAGA, pronounced Moo Say Ga.
The coloreds will identify with that sound, turn it into street slang, and jump aboard the bandwagon.
Imagine how big your electoral margin will be with them on your side.
Stick with me Pal, you’ll go far.